It was the night before Christmas
And all the markets were calm
The traders had all put their books away
So really there was no cause for alarm
But back in the darkened halls of the ECB
And the corridors of the Federal Reserve
Central Bankers, past and present, were keeping a watch
To make sure they weren’t behind the curve
Old Jay sez “we told them we’d taper and told them we’d hike
But these markets are still hale and hearty”
“Ooh la la!” sez Christine “that only means one thing
It’s time for the Central Bankers Christmas party!”
So the world’s central bankers, present and past
Got dressed up and met up for a wild celebration
Jay shouts “Ain’t nothing gonna stop us now
Not even a mild bout of inflation
Well there was Powell, Draghi and Greenspan
Yellen, Lagarde and the rest of her crew
With Makhlouf, Macklem, Kuroda and Bailey
And for some unclear reason Philip Lane too
Pretty soon liquidity was flowing
An unsynchronised conga just begun
Soon no one cared about the difference
Between M3, M2 or M1.
Now all the bankers are telling jokes
About when to expand or when to ease
Poor Kuroda from Japan was getting no laughs
That’s what happens when you only speak Japanese
“Well fire up the Karaoke”, Christine calls out
“It might help ease the tension”
But Phillip grabs the mike, thinks he’s Simply Red
And sings Money’s too tight to mention
Now Philly won’t let go of the mike
And Jay Powell wants to give it a shot
But after 23 verses of Sweet Home Alabama
He’s clearly lost the dot plot
Then a thundering noise at the door
Which opened with a mighty crack
It was little Alan Greenspan, holding a punch bowl
“Look lads, I’m bringing it back!”
There were devils on horseback and pigs in blankets
The finest food from every member nation
But the brandy souffles had taken too long
And were the first real victim of deflation.
But soon things were getting out of control
Authorities had to be alerted
Coz Jerome Powell had had too much liquidity
And like his yield curve he was soon fully inverted
And as if things couldn’t get any worse
Amidst this haze of gin, cognac and sambuca
Screaming “whatever it takes” at the top of his voice
Mario whips out his great big bazooka
Now there were governors swinging from the chandelier
There were two on top of the Holly Tree
And quietly in the corner were Yellen and Lane
Discussing macro-prudential policy
Well after a few days, the dust had settled
And the markets recovered and reset
But Jay looked around, with a glint in his eye
Whispered youz ain’t seen nothing yet!
Tradewinds 